What is Sex Therapy?
What’s the difference between sex therapy and “regular” talk therapy? It’s a frequently asked question. Read on to learn what sex therapy is (and what it’s not).
Sex Therapy is Talk Therapy
Sex therapy is a form of talk therapy (psychotherapy) with a specialized focus on treating sexual concerns and issues. It’s talk therapy with a licensed sex therapist. A safe and welcoming place to openly discuss thoughts and feelings about sex, sexuality, and sexual experiences. If your therapist is offering sex therapy, it’s very likely that they’ve received advanced training in sex therapy. Where they learned skills for guiding people through common and complex sexual issues. Bonus if your sex therapist is also trained as a relationship therapist and works with couples. (As a relationship therapist and sex therapist, I’m biased. I admit it!)
Things Sex Therapy Can Help Address
Some people start sex therapy because they’re facing specific sexual problems. Such as painful sex, erectile dysfunction, and difficulty with intercourse. As well as loss of desire or interest, relationship issues, and more. It’s a space to talk through positive, negative, and neutral sexual experiences. Along with anxiety or shameful feelings that are impacting how you feel about sex (and yourself) now.
A Sex Therapist In Chicago Can Treat Several Common Issues:
Painful intercourse (genital pain or discomfort)
Sexual function and dysfunction
Performance anxiety (and other distractions)
Low arousal
Erectile dysfunction
Relationship problems related to sex
Impact of chronic illness, surgical procedures, physical changes, and impact on sexual functioning
Sexual trauma
and more!
Feel More Satisfied in Your Sex Life
Many begin sex therapy in Chicago, IL because they have this nagging feeling that their sex lives could be better. More satisfying. They want to improve their intimate relationships, but they’re not sure how. Or, they really don’t like talking about it.
If you want guidance, more language to describe what you want sexually (and don’t), and more knowledge about how your body and sexual responses work. As well as tangible strategies and resources to improve communication and reduce sex-related distress. Then sex therapy may be a good fit for you. Whether or not you’re in a relationship or sexually active. This is why we offer couples and individual sex therapy.
Sex Therapy Address All Kinds of Sexual Shame & Trauma
Sexual trauma isn’t just about blatant sexual assault, harassment, and violation. Any experience (physical or emotional) can leave a lasting negative impression on you. From negative messaging from family and religious culture. To instances where you may have consented to sex while not really wanting it. Maybe you had a partner respond or act in a way that really didn’t help or empower you. Maybe certain types of touch or sexual activity feel activating, leading you to check out or shut down. The list goes on—please, please don’t minimize your distress. Trauma and negative experiences show up in a lot of ways. Any question, issue, problem, or concern is welcome at my therapy practice. No silly or stupid questions.
What Sex Therapy is Not
No Nudity or Sexual Activity
Sex therapy does not involve nudity, physical or sexual touch, or sexual activity in session—not with your sex therapist, not in front of your therapist. Never.
This is a professional boundary that every therapist will maintain. It’s part of our professional and ethical codes. We will be talking about your sexual experience. Things such as your thoughts, feelings, behaviors, concerns, questions, beliefs, etc. Then as a sex therapist, I would offer suggestions, but only as relevant to your goals in therapy.
Your Sex Therapist Will NOT Shame You
A sex therapist is not going to ask questions to embarrass you, humiliate you, or shame you.
Uncomfortable feelings may arise. Especially as you start talking about distressing or disappointing aspects of your experience. Or even as you recall what is working, what you do like. Your sexual interests, experiences, questions, and fantasies won’t make your sex therapist blush or judge you. Sex therapists are skilled at asking sensitive questions at a pace that is comfortable for you.
Sometimes, the details really matter when we’re trying to figure out what’s not working for you, but a therapist will ask permission to ask certain questions. They will often explain WHY they’re asking. You might be a little outside of your comfort zone. But as a sex therapist in Chicago, I never want you to be so uncomfortable or anxious that you can’t think, speak, or learn. That’s not the point, and that’s not helpful. Talking about sensitive sexual issues also starts to feel a little easier with each session.
Sex Therapy Is Not Just For Serious Sexual Issues
You don’t have to have “serious” sexual problems or dysfunction to start sex therapy.
What does “serious” mean, anyway? You don’t have to wait until it gets worse, or until you are avoiding sexual activity altogether. Are you evaluating your problems? Dismissing your concerns because they’re not serious or not causing you that much stress? If you’re debating whether or not you could benefit from working with a sex therapist, my clinical guess is that it will help. I’ve seen it help. You can always schedule one or two sex therapy sessions to see if it’s a fit for you. Tell your therapist about your uncertainty at the outset. It’s ok to say, “ok, maybe not right now, after all.”
You Do Not Have to Be Sexually Active or In A Relationship
You also don’t need to be sexually active, in a relationship, or have had sexual experiences with a partner. It is still valid to want help and a place to talk with a professional sex therapist. You are human, with a brain and genitals that respond to each other. This is a space to talk about your sexual experience and your mood and mental health. Explore how these things impact you and your relationships, how you might improve your sex life (if that’s your goal), or what’s getting in the way.
Do Expect Exercises and Homework
This might be where a lot of people get tripped up thinking that sex therapy involves sexual activity. Because it often can. OUTSIDE of sessions, privately—on your own or with your partner.
Get Guidance On Things To Do Outside of Sex Therapy in Chicago
Sex therapy often involves exercises and homework OUTSIDE of sessions. From mindfulness and cognitive strategies for coping with unwanted thoughts, unhelpful beliefs, or distressing emotions related to sex…. to physical/sexual exercises. Done on your own or with a trusted, sexual partner. The point of these exercises is to try something, learn from it, and reflect on how it went when you come back to therapy. Homework won’t be “forced” on you and you’ll never be asked to read or do something that you don’t want to do. You’ll get guidance from your sex therapist before taking exercises or homework home.
What Kind Of Exercises and Homework?
Homework and exercises might include:
book chapters
mindful touch (to promote relaxation and reduce anxiety)
scheduling time for discussions about sex with a partner
prioritizing time for sexual intimacy and privacy
continuing to practice pelvic floor exercises (especially if instructed by a pelvic floor physical therapist).
As a sex therapist in Chicago, IL I will ask questions, offer suggestions and referrals when needed, and coordinate with gynecologists/urologists/physical therapists. As well as share resources that are helpful to your specific concerns and questions.
Sex therapy can be educational. A place where you can learn. A place where you can release a little of the sexual shame or embarrassment for not knowing this or that.
Other Questions About Sex Therapy Treatment in Chicago, IL
Do I have to talk only about sex? Can I talk about other things?
No, you don’t have to talk only about sex. There are so many things that are related and can be impacting you—your work, stress level, physical health, relationship issues, family, self-esteem, body image, symptoms of anxiety and depression, grief and loss… all of these things might become part of the conversation. Sex therapists are trained in individual therapy and/or couples therapy in addition to sex therapy.
Is couples sex therapy only focused on sexual issues?
What if we also need to work on communication? Sometimes, we can’t address and resolve sexual issues without first addressing other relationship issues or setting boundaries. Or at least working on them at the same time. So, couples’ sex therapy is often about much more than just the sexual issue. If the problem was easy to resolve, you would have figured it out by now. Working with a couples sex therapist can help you tease apart and better understand all of the factors involved.
If you’re struggling with conflict, clear communication, and feeling understood in your relationships, we’ll likely spend some time on that. Couples’ sex therapy takes all of that into account. If unspoken expectations, low trust, poor communication, and emotional disconnection are contributing to your sexual concerns, then yes. We will work on those things first OR alongside the sexual issues. This is a discussion about how we plan and prioritize your treatment, what we focus on first, and why. You’re a part of this conversation. As a sex therapist, I want to hear your feedback and often check in on how the treatment is going for you. Along with how you feel about your progress.
How long does sex therapy last? How many sessions can I expect?
It depends. Some clients can get what they need in 6-10 sessions. Some want and need longer-term sex therapy in Chicago, IL (1 year +) due to complex sexual issues that change over time. Thus needing various approaches to see progress. Many people want longer-term therapy for maintenance and continued space to hold themselves accountable.
At a minimum, meeting weekly or every other week is most beneficial. In my experience as a sex therapist, therapy is most effective at helping progress when you commit to the process and really make an effort to try things differently, to challenge yourself. It’s an investment in time, money, and effort. I’m here to offer guidance and support based on my knowledge and expertise in therapy, but you get what you put into it.
If you learned something or found this article helpful, please share it with someone you know!
Interested in Starting Sex Therapy in Chicago, IL?
If any of this spoke to you then it might be time to start sex therapy. At my Chicago-based therapy practice, I will support you individually or as a couple. As a sex therapist, I know how hard reaching out about sexual issues can be. This is why I want to make the process as easy as possible. To get started you just have to follow these steps:
Reach out to have a free therapy consultation
Have your first appointment with a sex therapist based in Chicago!
Start living a life free of sexual shame and issues.
Other Therapy Services I Offer in Illinois & Michigan
Interested in sex therapy, couples therapy, or premarital counseling? What about individual therapy for either relationship issues or setting boundaries in relationships? I’m a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and sex therapist in Chicago. Through my private therapy practice, I offer online therapy services to residents of Illinois and Michigan. Getting started is as simple as contacting me here, then scheduling a free consultation call to see if we’re a good fit.
